If you read yesterday’s post you will understand that I was struggling, feeling broken and more than a bit overwhelmed. It had been a bad day, in a bad week, bad month, year…… you get the drift. Thank you to all who reached out with words of support and to share their own stories – it really does make a difference!
This morning I woke up feeling a bit better but still quite broken. My son refused to go to school again and I didn’t have the energy to deal with him. Then his nurse called to check in and suggested that I should consider arranging to have a stay in the private psychiatric clinic over the school holidays to have a break from the children and re-charge. Now while I understand where she is coming from, and I fully believe that ‘if mumma ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy’ etc, a stay in a psych ward did not sound like the answer to my prayers!
While still reeling from that call I realised that I needed an urgent appointment to get a prescription renewed for my son because, despite all the reminders that it was about to expire, I hadn’t managed to actually make the call. I had been thinking about ducking into town on my own as a way to escape the stress, so the thought of taking him with me did not fill me with joy. But you know what? It should have. Because he and I had a really thoughtful, logical and forward thinking chat on the drive in about how we are going to tackle his school refusal together. Then we looked at funny dog memes and laughed together while we waited to see the doctor, and when we saw the doctor, who is new to the practice, he made both her and I laugh with his funny puns and one liners. He was delightful in the supermarket, and helpful (more than either of his older sisters would have been in the same circumstances!). Then we went to an Op Shop that I like to check for teacups and teapots and he charmed the volunteer working the counter, helped me carry my finds and was generally delightful. And he insisted that I needed to buy one teapot in particular. The most expensive item in the photo below. The teapot that is actually meant to sit on top of a cup – which was absent. Making it the most expensive and least ‘together’ item in our haul. And yet it has charm and quirkiness that I can work with. A lot like him. (It is the striped one front and centre!)
To find my way out of my dark hole of depression I needed to remind myself of the good, the joy and the laughter that life with this gorgeous boy brings. And being forced to take him to the doctor was the best medicine that I could have had. Better than shopping therapy (which I can’t really afford, let’s be honest!). Better than drinking tea (shock, horror) and definitely better than drinking wine (gee my life has changed.) Enjoying him having a good day while we did things together was all it took.
I also had a lovely chat with a friend on the phone, ran into another friend at the shops quickly and generally had positive interactions that helped. A lot!
I write this as a reminder to myself for future reference, and as a way of letting you know that I am okay. I know that I need to work on my self-care, and this is a good reminder to put some plans in place for the school holidays that are coming up. But I also know that, as a wise and wonderful friend of mine often reminds me, “This too shall pass’. (Thanks Lizzie.)
Now to go off and be inspired by these new purchases – I see some cacti (crocheted) and some hole drilling for planting in my future!